Even People Who Impress Us Need Care. (What About the Others?)

The first portion of this title arrived in full form after visiting with my neighbour recently, a woman I described in last week’s post as someone who impresses me regularly. She impresses me, is impressive, and also is needing (and deserving) of care–just as we all are. From the visit and the title it evoked, I was reminded once again how everyone needs caring and how even those who impress us are needing of care. They are as flesh-and-blood as the next person, as me. They are as human, no less vulnerable overall, as fully needing of caring and love. (Have you ever thought someone else’s grass was greener–or snow whiter and lighter–and temporarily forgotten this?)

Then, though, what about the people who don’t impress us? What about the people who seem to repeatedly demonstrate lavish non-caring, who hurt others badly with apparently no conscience, who do terrible things? For me, a dilemma arises: they also need care but giving care can be extraordinarily hard.

I value caring and recognize the humanness in all of us, that you are as human, as vulnerable, and as wonder-full as myself, that we are different, yes, but not so different, and that no one is fundamentally worth more than another. I believe in this. Yet when someone does terrible things to another (and especially when there is no acknowledgment, honesty, and remorse), well, I find that hard. I do not feel deep caring easily or readily, if at all. I do not feel warmth. Typically, I feel very angry.

I am aware that the approaching holidays can evoke all sorts of things for people. It can be a time that stirs up very difficult or painful things. It can be a time that feels nourishing, exciting, uplifting, or fun. It can be a time that is confusing, exhausting, a roller-coaster ride mix of much.

In part, the holidays are a time where the value of caring is put centre stage (as well as consumerism by some etc). I feel much care toward and about many others. I do not feel warmly caring toward some–or caring at all. In some instances, I do not forgive. I may not be willing to offer caring directly (or to feel fully caring) and may not be willing to forgive, yet it can be experientially difficult to be mired in non-forgiveness and anger or caring-with-reservation without an option of something else to do (something that might offer a helpful focus or reprieve).

This week, I seemed to find a kind of workaround that allowed me to feel care with more integrity and without forgiveness, that held anger alongside truth, that honoured conviction, embraced generosity of spirit, and seemed to offer some ease of a load instead of the heavying of one. I prayed. Specifically, I prayed that those who have demonstrated non-caring, cruelty, and who have caused much hurt may heal–holding the belief here that in order to heal, a person must be honest. There is no other way. In these situations, persons would have to face honestly the non-caring (or blatant cruelty) they are doing or have done.

Even people who do not impress us need care. I believe this, too, though I do not condone terrible acts or believe if we are the ones who have been badly hurt, we have to give of ourselves to them as if nothing has transpired. This prayer was a way this week I could offer care without disparaging or losing myself.

As an aside, I also felt and expressed deep gratitude for all the caring that exists, for all the ways I have been offered care, and for the ways I have been able to give. I prayed that all those who offer caring (and have offered caring to me) may be deeply blessed and that I, too, may be a light and a blessing.

If these holidays are evoking difficult things for you or you find yourself in difficult circumstances, I offer you my warmest regards and encouragement. My hope is that you will find comfort, healing, solace–if not all at once, then bit by bit. If you find yourself feeling joyful, comfortable, okay, I offer you my warmest regards and encouragement, too. If you have hurt others badly or demonstrated a lot of non-care, may you heal.

Blessings and care to you.

t.