When you do want to throw something away

It is a grey Sunday afternoon in late September--the kind of day that is just calling out for me to nap. I've opted to light a few candles and write instead--or as a start. You don't have to throw yourself away, Pema Chrodron wrote. The question might arise: "what do you do though when there are parts you do want to throw away or just wish you could?" What if you have a chronic health condition that greatly impacts your life or are dealing with things inside that you wish would just leave you alone? Maybe anxiety is visiting again, or a low spirit, or insomnia returns? I don't think it's easy. However, my thought for today is this, we have to start where we are. We have to meet ourselves wherever we are with whatever the thing is that's going on that quite frankly, we just don't want. it's here anyway. We may hate it, but it's still here. 

For myself, I experience chronic health problems that have huge impacts on my day-to-day life. I don't want them. I do want to throw them away. Virtually every day it is like this. Yet they are here. I can't change that (not easily anyway). Today, they are here. That's an undesired reality yet still a reality. I might hate it but I have to start with what is--and go from there.

A next thing we might ask is: given what is, how can we be as gentle as possible, as kind as possible--not only to ourselves but including to ourselves? We might hate something or want to throw it away--but wanting to throw ourselves away--our whole selves, or beat up on us in the situation--won't really help much. 

While the reality and huge challenges of any situation may remain, we may still be able to change aspects of our overall qualitative experience. Specifically, we can look at how we are in relation to ourselves (and others) in the experience and see if we can be in relationships in a way that eases our moments instead of worsening them. Maybe, we can say, truthfully, "I hate this--but here are things within this mess that I am still thankful for or that I enjoy or that I can do." Or, "I hate this and I am sad or disappointed or scared (or whatever word seems to be fit). I need to treat myself with care here. I am suffering. I need to go gently and treat myself with care." 

You don't have to throw yourself away

Today, I finished reading the book, The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion, by Christopher K. Germer. I feel quiet, with inner things, and not like writing much. However, I'd like to share with you a quote that Christopher includes near the end of the book. The quote is written by Pema Chodron, in her book, The Wisdom of No Escape and The Path of Loving Kindness:

...we can still be crazy after all these years. We can still be angry after all these years. We can still be jealous or full of feelings of unworthiness. The point is...not to try to throw ourselves away and become something better. It's about befriending who we are already. 

The invitation over and over again is to be with feelings of pain, rather than to reject, obscure, flee, or fight them, to be with ourselves, to befriend ourselves.

How safe is the stuff you put on your skin?

Here is another on-line resource I'd like to recommend: The Environmental Working Group's Skin Deep Cosmetic Database. If you have a skin-care, cosmetic type product in the house and you "think" it's supposed to be safe, search for it in the database and see how it fares. You might be pleasantly--or unpleasantly--surprised.

For example, recently I looked up a body lotion/moisturizers I've been using but have nearly run out of. I had bought it specifically because the way it is marketed, I thought it was a good product in terms of not putting harmful chemicals into it and onto my skin. This product is sold in the "organics", "naturals" type section of a local grocery store (and at some other local stores). But a search in the Skin Deep Cosmetic Safety Database revealed it isn't such a safe or healthy product after all--rated of "moderate hazard"--and that there are many out there that would be a better choice. Further, the database revealed that the company who makes this product is not compliant with the "Compact for Safe Cosmetics" treaty that they signed! So to that company (which I will opt to remain unnamed): "I turn my back on you".

Click here for the database. (You can also access it from their home page. I've provided a link to that under the websites link in the sidebar at the right.)

In January, a friend of mine was part of organizing a film screening on campus for America, The Beautiful. There are several resources out there on this topic, and this film is also one that highlights some problems with significantly harmful chemicals being put into (some) cosmetics--and companies who are not transparent about this at all.

Environmental Working Group's 2010 Sunscreen Guide

Arrived this week in my inbox. You can check it out here: Environmental Working Group's 2010 Sunscreen Guide.

Lilacs, Sweet Woodruff, and a Sunny Day in May

...heavenly...

(When I walked outside this morning, I thought without thought: "this is heaven".)

  

Steven Heighton's poem, Constellations

This is a poem that provides a beautiful image. Imagine placing glow-in-the-dark stars all over you, soaking up some light, then turning off all the lights and dancing in the dark--or watching someone else do a star dance. You can read the poem (and the specific story that goes with it) in his book, The Address Book: Poems. Thanks to my friend, S, for turning my attention toward Steven's work.

Feelings About Mother's Day (and the Cultivation of Compassion)

Today is Mother's Day. For some, it is filled with warm feelings, laughter, reflection, gratitude. For others, it might include almost none of the sort, but instead feelings of anger, pain, longing, loneliness. Grief might be felt and this might be a blend of feelings related to absence and presence, what was and wasn't, what is and isn't, what was and now isn't or now is. Mothers may have a wide range of feelings too--as well as those who are not mothers, some of whom may deeply want to be mothers but aren't.

As much as I might sound like a broken record (do you remember those???), what I want to offer today is this: not sentimentality but kindness to each of you in whatever circumstance you are in with whatever feelings you have.

I will also mention a book I am reading, Compassionate Mind: A New Approach to Life's Challenges, by Paul Gilbert who works as a psychologist. At 513 pages, it isn't a book I'd recommend to someone who is not up for long reading; and I will also say that Paul expresses some of his beliefs that may or may not resonate with everyone (like everything of course); however, Paul writes with a friendly tone, a sense of humour, and great compassion for human experiences and the struggles people find themselves in. The second half of the book, which I haven't delved into yet, is filled with ways of intentionally fostering the further development of compassion, which is not limited to but includes the cultivation of courage.

A walk in the park (and the importance of green spaces)

Today I went for a walk in the new park that is in development in Kingston along (a) concession between Alfred and Nelson. I came home. I thought, "Trees are the bees knees."

Electromagnetic radiation and health

Do you have a DECT cordless phone in your home? Wireless technology? Use a cell phone regularly? Live or work where wireless abounds? Have you read much about the research in these areas looking at the effects of these devices on a cellular level and concerns that have been raised about their effects on health? Curious? If so, here are three suggestions to get you started on your search:

1) Listen to the interview on these topics that aired this morning on CBC's radio program, The Sunday Edition, hosted by Michael Enright. 

2) Google "Magda Havas"--a researcher at Trent University--and read about her research and follow where all of that leads you. Check out her website.

3) Watch the documentary, Full Signal, if you get the chance. (I haven't seen it yet but it looks interesting. If you hear of it coming to Kingston, let me know.)