When you do want to throw something away

It is a grey Sunday afternoon in late September--the kind of day that is just calling out for me to nap. I've opted to light a few candles and write instead--or as a start. You don't have to throw yourself away, Pema Chrodron wrote. The question might arise: "what do you do though when there are parts you do want to throw away or just wish you could?" What if you have a chronic health condition that greatly impacts your life or are dealing with things inside that you wish would just leave you alone? Maybe anxiety is visiting again, or a low spirit, or insomnia returns? I don't think it's easy. However, my thought for today is this, we have to start where we are. We have to meet ourselves wherever we are with whatever the thing is that's going on that quite frankly, we just don't want. it's here anyway. We may hate it, but it's still here. 

For myself, I experience chronic health problems that have huge impacts on my day-to-day life. I don't want them. I do want to throw them away. Virtually every day it is like this. Yet they are here. I can't change that (not easily anyway). Today, they are here. That's an undesired reality yet still a reality. I might hate it but I have to start with what is--and go from there.

A next thing we might ask is: given what is, how can we be as gentle as possible, as kind as possible--not only to ourselves but including to ourselves? We might hate something or want to throw it away--but wanting to throw ourselves away--our whole selves, or beat up on us in the situation--won't really help much. 

While the reality and huge challenges of any situation may remain, we may still be able to change aspects of our overall qualitative experience. Specifically, we can look at how we are in relation to ourselves (and others) in the experience and see if we can be in relationships in a way that eases our moments instead of worsening them. Maybe, we can say, truthfully, "I hate this--but here are things within this mess that I am still thankful for or that I enjoy or that I can do." Or, "I hate this and I am sad or disappointed or scared (or whatever word seems to be fit). I need to treat myself with care here. I am suffering. I need to go gently and treat myself with care." 

You don't have to throw yourself away

Today, I finished reading the book, The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion, by Christopher K. Germer. I feel quiet, with inner things, and not like writing much. However, I'd like to share with you a quote that Christopher includes near the end of the book. The quote is written by Pema Chodron, in her book, The Wisdom of No Escape and The Path of Loving Kindness:

...we can still be crazy after all these years. We can still be angry after all these years. We can still be jealous or full of feelings of unworthiness. The point is...not to try to throw ourselves away and become something better. It's about befriending who we are already. 

The invitation over and over again is to be with feelings of pain, rather than to reject, obscure, flee, or fight them, to be with ourselves, to befriend ourselves.