Steven Heighton's poem, Constellations

This is a poem that provides a beautiful image. Imagine placing glow-in-the-dark stars all over you, soaking up some light, then turning off all the lights and dancing in the dark--or watching someone else do a star dance. You can read the poem (and the specific story that goes with it) in his book, The Address Book: Poems. Thanks to my friend, S, for turning my attention toward Steven's work.

Feelings About Mother's Day (and the Cultivation of Compassion)

Today is Mother's Day. For some, it is filled with warm feelings, laughter, reflection, gratitude. For others, it might include almost none of the sort, but instead feelings of anger, pain, longing, loneliness. Grief might be felt and this might be a blend of feelings related to absence and presence, what was and wasn't, what is and isn't, what was and now isn't or now is. Mothers may have a wide range of feelings too--as well as those who are not mothers, some of whom may deeply want to be mothers but aren't.

As much as I might sound like a broken record (do you remember those???), what I want to offer today is this: not sentimentality but kindness to each of you in whatever circumstance you are in with whatever feelings you have.

I will also mention a book I am reading, Compassionate Mind: A New Approach to Life's Challenges, by Paul Gilbert who works as a psychologist. At 513 pages, it isn't a book I'd recommend to someone who is not up for long reading; and I will also say that Paul expresses some of his beliefs that may or may not resonate with everyone (like everything of course); however, Paul writes with a friendly tone, a sense of humour, and great compassion for human experiences and the struggles people find themselves in. The second half of the book, which I haven't delved into yet, is filled with ways of intentionally fostering the further development of compassion, which is not limited to but includes the cultivation of courage.

The documentary: Blue Gold

Also available at the Kingston Public Library is the documentary, Blue Gold: World Water Wars. This is a film by Sam Bozzo that also looks at issues of water--the necessity of water for life, and serious problems of freshwater depletion, pollution, corporate and corrupt government actions where profit and greed rules above people and planet. Like Flow, it is disturbing, frustrating, alarming, and also provides examples of positive actions and solutions people are working and fighting for.

Although I haven't (yet) read them, a few books on this topic that one may also find of interest include:

• Blue Gold: The Battle Against Corporate Theft of the World's Water (2002) by Maude Barlow and Tony Clarke [available at KFPL]
• Blue Covenant: The Global Water Crisis and the Coming Battle for the Right to Water (2007) by Maude Barlow [available at KFPL]

Apparently, the City of Kingston, Ontario in which I live has set a goal of becoming Canada's Most Sustainable City. If Kingston -- and the people involved in planning and steering decisions -- are truly going to achieve this goal (and I hope they do), it will require vision, creativity, and courage (backbone, guts, a powerful humanitarian and earth-itarian vision coupled with much action). Looking at water usage and conversation issues must be one important aspect of this -- and an aspect that finds solutions and relationships across many sectors. Some examples off the top of my head include:

• Building codes. Solutions include: substantial rainwater collection systems should be mandatory in all new developments, the use of graywater wherever appropriate and as much as possible.
• Decisions about expansion and housing developments. Solutions include: seriously looking at what population and water usage can the watershed truly support to not be depleted and then to keep housing within that limit. If you want more people, then you MUST find innovative ways to reduce water usage and the impact on the watershed.
• Food sources. Solutions include the dominant use of local food systems as a must and where within local food systems, sustainable practices are mandatory including rainwater collection systems as the key source of irrigation rather than groundwater/rivers/lakes, as well as looking at methods of growing foods that are also water-savvy (e.g., hyrdroponics).
• Surface treatment and the issue of paving. Solutions include: having more non-paved surfaces and when a surface is paved, use only permeable paving materials so that rainwater goes into the ground and the groundwater table instead of running-off into the lakes
• Pollution issues in all forms--and the prevention of further polluting and damaging water sources. This is a huge issue to look at as pollution comes from so many sources.
• Trees. Plant trees. All streets and parks etc should be tree-lined (and how about with trees that produce food for people???). Tree roots and other plantings hold water in the watershed and help prevent run-off (as well as providing shade, homes to birds and creatures, oxygen, and other positive things). There are also ways of planting other plants and shrubs so as to catch water and slow/prevent run-off. This is also very helpful and important--not to mention aesthetically pleasing and adding plant diversity.
• Other water conservation methods: low flow toilets, shower-heads etc. Why are new residences not being built with these things? This is unacceptable.
• Say NO to bottled-water and the irresponsible mining of water by corporations for profit (and with no concerns for planet or people) and the privatization of water. Please watch the documentaries and read more to learn about these issues.

The list could go on as there as many innovative things that can and should be done. Many of these ideas are touched on in the documentaries, as well as more pertaining to the issue of serious issue of major multinational corporation's attempts to privatize and own water.

Feeling and not feeling...

Near the end of one of the chapters in Kay Redfield Jamison's book, An Unquiet Mind, and about three-quarters of the way through, she refers to a piece of music I wanted to follow-up on:

"That night, waiting for my moody, intense Englishman to appear--needlepointing, watching the snow fall, listening to Chopin and Elgar--I suddenly was aware of how clear and poignant the music seemed, how intensely, beautifully melancholic it was to watch the snow and wait for him. I was feeling more beauty, but more real sadness as well. When he arrived...I put on Schubert's posthumous Piano Sonata in B-flat, D. 960. Its haunting, beautiful eroticism absolutely filled me with emotion and made me weep. I wept for the poignancy of all the intensity I had lost without knowing it, and I wept for the pleasure of experiencing it again. To this day, I cannot hear that piece of music without feeling surrounded by the beautiful sadness of that evening, the love I was privileged to know, and the recollection of the precarious balance that exists between sanity and subtle, dreadful muffling of the senses." (p. 163)

Here is the piece I think she was referring to (although if I have it wrong, please let me know). Perhaps you might like to stop all other doings, turn up the volume, and listen with full attention?

If you feel sad while listening or full or or thankful or joyful or you feel longing, keep breathing. Breathe fully with the feelings. Remember to breathe.

Venn diagrams and a wonderful book

This morning, I awoke early. Shortly after 4 a.m., I absorbed the quiet of the early morning accompanied by the beautiful song of birds, and the beauty of a crescent moon shining brilliantly in a clear sky. How wonderful.

I did, also, go back to sleep. How glad I am, however, for that early morning awakening and time.

Yesterday, I finished reading An Unquiet Mind by Kay Redfield Jamison, subtitled A Memoir of Moods and Madness. (For people in the Kingston area, it is available at the local library, KFPL). This is a book I highly recommend. She wrote this book so truly well. It was an absolute delight to read. I offer her my deep respect for her courage, genuineness, and tenacity. This book is at least partially about manic-depressive illness, her life and experiences of it, as well as her work as a clinician and researcher and her journey of reconciling and navigating both. I have in mind here a picture of a venn diagram where there are two circles and they partially overlap in the center. Do you remember those? Perhaps because of my own work as a therapist and my status as firmly also a human being subject to all that that may entail, I reflect on the overlapping part often enough--the place where we are (and hold) our whole self, all of us, with all of our different identities, experiences, roles and parts.

Kay has considered at length the question of whether she should work as a clinician given she has a mental illness. She puts forth the firm tenet that work as a clinician must be for and about assisting clients and patients: "Doctors, as my chairman is fond of pointing out, are there to treat patients: patients should never have to pay--either literally or medically--for the problems and sufferings of their doctors" (p. 209-210). I also agree. Kay has worked very hard to make sure she succeeds in this. As she writes she has been careful and been fortunate. She has sought out much support and put many safeguards in place. She is also now a world expert in her field and someone who has contributed enormously to assisting people with mood disorders and especially manic-depression. Additionally, she is an advocate of psychotherapy including clinicians participating in this. I say, kudos to her. She was refreshingly real, and her book, reflections, and disclosures intelligent, thoughtful, moving, funny, poignant, and, once again, courageous.

***

A quick glance at some of the comments people have made on amazon.ca leads me to add one caveat. I also agree that Kay has been fortunate in the support she has had around her (family, colleagues etc), the professional support she has been able to access, the sabbaticals she was able to take, as well as the financial security and stability her particular jobs offered her. This occurred to me also while reading. I do not begrudge her or think her less courageous but I do wish to acknowledge how isolated many people can be, including people with this illness, and how difficult it can be for them to access resources, assistance, and support. If you are one of those people, I wish to say, I am truly sorry it is so terribly hard. I offer you my encouragement and my deep hope that you will find a way to persevere in life one small step at a time, and that grace will enter in all the ways it can--whether from a sunrise that is glorious and pulls one into life, or a meal (or meals) provided by another, or a helpful helping professional that you meet, a job that you like and can manage, the balm of friendship, or from all other manner of helpful things. I am thinking of you.